INSPIRING & NAIL BITING Lupus Story –
During my childhood days I read a story named “The Bet ” by author Anton Chekhov , where there took place a bet between a banker and a lawyer.
The lawyer would be given 2 million rubles by the Banker if he could stay in confinement alone , for 15 years. But unfortunately the lawyer could not sustain the pain of confinement and broke out and left just one day before the ending of the 15th year, thus losing the bet.
As a child I always asked myself, why is confinement painful , he could have stayed a little longer and earned so much. Little did I know what pain confinement gave, until and unless, I ended up suffering it, in the most brutal way.
My story of Lupus Nephritis was kind of like banker who forced me to accept the challenge of being in confinement for 7 months due to this deadly illness.
I have been suffering from Lupus since childhood , I was diagnosed with juvenile lupus syndrome with both kidneys damaged at the age 13.
Again after 5 years in August 2018, it relapsed and I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure ( MyoCarditis) simultaneously with Macrophage activation syndrome.
I was admitted for 1 whole month, moved from 3 different hospitals and placed in an ICU for 13 days under ventilation.
The day I came back home, it was a state of victory for me.
I don’t know about the rest, but I never cried due to sufferings and acute pain .
I cried out loud, purely due to happiness of coming back home, with my family. For gaining victory over near death experience.
From September 2018, I was completely at bed rest , no phone , no human interaction except family, I was under ImmunoSuppressive drugs and was just recovering from a heart failure.
The whole day in bed, seems exotic right? Only for those who work hard and don’t get enough rest. Trust me it was the Worst phase of my life.
It was Painful and Agonizing after a month. Everything shattering slowly. I am from Kolkata , West Bengal , India,Which means October, the month of Durga puja, most famous and loved festival here was happening.
I was on bed rest and I could just see people from the window of my room heavily dressed enjoying the festival.
One by one the festivals are going through and day by day I was shattering slowly. Only the hope of staying alive had kept me going. At that point of my life I actually learnt the difference between existing and Living.
Slowly, and miraculously, I started to rethink and not take this confinement as a pain and started to convert it the most fruitful year that I will remember and cherish for the rest of this lifetime.
I started introspection and I started my spiritual journey. I meditated for 2-3 hours daily. Yes I was ill but I lied down in bed and meditated. For those think you need to sit under tree and meditate for hours it’s completely an illusion, if you want , lying down and meditating works the similar way. It’s about the mind and not the body.
Mindfulness changed my perspective about myself, my disease and my life. I will actually suggest everyone whoever is reading this article that , thinking positive and accepting situations is far better for your health rather than victimizing oneself that why did it happen to me .
I know it’s tough to stay calm but once you get along this habit it actually helps you to recover. In my days of confinement I have started my hobbies which I had forgotten about.
I discovered and learnt so much about myself that I would never have done if I wasn’t here all alone.
I think break from life is very important to everyone of us. This struggle has made me grow a lot as a human being. I am continuing my education , my own YouTube channel and most importantly working on my health.
So in my story , I am Victorious , I broke my confinement on the 7th month the day I visited by maternal uncle’s place.
I am so grateful for everything that happened to me instead of crying over split milk, situations just come up out of nowhere but the way we utilize it and our actions, responses to those situations create our destiny.
Thank you so much, everyone for supporting me specifically my family and the team of doctors who handled my case with so much care. Lots of love and light to everyone!
A proud Lupus warrior
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